Michelle Anne.

& the countdown begins.

In about five days, I will be back in riverside. Exactly one week and a day from today, I will be back in school. I honestly don’t know what to expect. Yet again, do I ever? I’ve got so many thoughts and emotions running through my head. I left last school year with a heavy heart, unspoken words, and teary eyes. I never felt so alone. I absolutely dread the feeling of being left out, unwanted, not needed, unnoticed. I hate feeling like such a loner in such a big school, such a big city. I pushed myself away because I didn’t want to show that I was hurt. I never wanted to appear weak and emotional. But how can one help it when you find yourself all alone. I keep asking myself “Is there something wrong with me?”, “Did everyone forget I exist?”, “Am I not good enough?” It’s hard feeling this way and having no one to talk to. Now I’m headed back that direction with nothing to expect. Nothing to look forward to. I’m terrified. Maybe at the thought of being alone again. Or maybe at the thought of failure. Just the thought of it all already breaks my heart. I’m beginning to have second thoughts about even being here. Maybe I’m not cut out for this city. Maybe it’s just too much for me. I came here wanting to start all over, stray away from high school, begin something new. In the end, I’m back to where I started; alone. How could have things gone so well for a moment  and then all of a sudden come crashing down in an instant. I am a broken mess. I pray that this year will be different. I believe that good things happen to those who patiently wait. And boy have I been waiting. I’m just hoping for the best.